A week later

So I've been here a little over a week now. It's been pretty crazy.

Just a warning, before you read this, I can't figure out how to do spell check. Grandma, I know you'll be really annoyed. But just bare with me.

Right now I'm sitting outside the banyan tree cafe. It's a really neat place. They have fantastic drinks that are even better then starbucks and they're soo much cheaper. Pretty much everybody else is just getting out of this huge meeting where they signed up to volenteer at the iron man marathon taking place tomorrow. I didn't know that pretty much absolutely everybody was going or else I would've too. I kinda feel left out.

So the big thing that's been happening lately is God moving at large in a way I've never experienced before. I see myself as well as the people around me going crazy after Him, and that's amazing to see. Lately He's felt so close I feel like I could almost reach out and touch him. Esspecially when we worship. Worship here is different then anything I've ever been a part of. Some people stand, some people bow, some people sit, some even lay on the ground. THey dance, they sway, they cry, they pray. And here it's not for show, it's like even though we're all together in a big group wirshiping our God it's like each of us are by ourselves with just them and Jesus. It's so incredibly different and beautiful.

The lectures here have actually been really great. On an average day they start at eight and go till twelve. The length is so hard. Even though I try to eat a big breakfast every day I always start feeling super super hungry about halfway in, and it's super hard to concentrate. Sometimes we go a half hour over and then it takes just about every ounce of strength to not just get up and leave. And I promise, it's not because the lecture isn't interesting! They are so spot on about all sorts of stuff that I wanted to know about God and life and missions. I've noticed it really helps if I bring my sketchbook and draw. But I haven't seen it since yesterday, and I'm really trying not to freak out about it but it's hard. That sketchbook has some of the most personal information ever, things I wouldn't want anybody to know. Most of it's just nice drawings but a bug chunk of it is pictures and letter that represent some of the biggest darkest secrets I have, and all day I've just been trying not to think about somebody just picking it up and going through it. I've asked several people and I can't find it anywhere. DTS people, if you are reading this, if you see a large hardcover sketchbook with a nature design on the covers please bring it too me asap and don't read it!

Totally changing the subject...
I think I'm going to China for my outreach. Yesterday our leader Jeff got us together for a meeting to talk about the different outreach locations. He then announced that God told him we should decide on our location that very day. The original plan was for us not to decide for a few more weeks, so it freaked me out. I was not feeling ready at all!

So Jeff went through the different options for about ten minutes each, then afterwards he asked us to just pray and write down on a piece of paper what we thought God said, then write a second choice as well. So I had my little internal freak out, and started praying really hard asking God to tell me wherever He wanted me to go. (And yes, I know to all you non-Christian people out there this probably sounds pretty crazy...)

So I immediately thought of Mozambique, so I put that down. I dropped it in before I started second guessing withot even putting down a second country. But as soon as that paper went in I felt super anxious like I had made the wrong desision. I couldn't stop thinking about China for some reason. So I prayed some more, and talked it over with Jeff, and made the switch. I feel good about it. I'm still not sure when I find out if I'll be going for sure though, and I;m not sure exactly when I'll find out. It's making me go crazy. I like knowing exactly what's going on! I guess if I want to be a missionary I need to get over that pretty fast though! :-)

Living here is mostly fun. Did I already say I have seven roomates? I knew I'd have a few but I didn't know it would be that many! EVen before I knew that there was eight of us in one room I was still super nervouse. I've been on other mission trips and summer camps and the like before, and I usually hate living with that many girls. They fight, they're super annoying, they're catty, they gossip about eachother, they leave me out, etc... But these girls are super awesome. I love living with them. We all are totally different but we haven't had any problems whatsoever so far. We talk about everything and it's super cool.

There's Dahea (I probably spelled that wrong), this Korean girl from Australia who lives in the bunk below me. She's pretty quiet bit seems super nice and has some really awesome T-shirts. Her birthday is only nine days before mine, which is pretty funny. In the bunk bed accross from us there's Karis and Elyse. (Once again, sorry if your names are spelled wrong.) Karis is this super pretty chick from California who's just plain really fun to hang out with. Elyse is really cool too. She's this really honest, down-to-earth person who has all these crazy stories. She made all these room-cleaning rules list so she sounds like somebody who would totally grate on my nerves but we actually get along really well. Then there's Gabriele and Martine, two friends that come from Holland. It's super funny being around them because they speak in Dutch to eachother then english to us, so sometimes when they talk I think "wow, I can't understand a thing they're saying. I must be really tired," before I relize they're speaking a different language. Then there's Kelli, who's this really pretty tall slender chick that's also from California. She looks like a supermodel or something. She's only seventeen and the youngest girl in our cabin. Then there's Zari, who's from Afghanistan, and pretty much threw everything I've ever thought about women from Afghanistan out the window. She doesn't wear a vaile or anything and she's super BA. She's really tiny (like I feel super big and tall standing next to her, and I'm pretty short), but she has all these different stories of where she kicked all these guy's butts. It's hillarious. I really love them all and it's gonna be really sucky in eleven weeks on outreach where we mostly all head to different countries and have to get new roomates.

So I've also noticed Hawaii isn't this relaxing place at all. It's uncomfortable a lot of the time. You're sweaty and sticky 24/7 and nothing ever dries off. The rocks everywhere are super sharp, esspecially on the beach. Not at all like the slippery smooth rocks at home. I got slightly hurt a couple times and I'm fully expecting to get a lot more haha! I hurt my back a little when I dove off this little cliff,which sucked because then I couldn't dive well for a couple days after that. Then a few days later I jumped off this dock but I didn't jump off far enough because I scraped up my foot in the rocks beside it, and kicked a sea urchin. Which I didn't really know untill later when I noticed the edge of some purple spikes underneath my skin. It's kinda gross. People here say I should just let them work their way out but even though it doesn;t hurt it's really gross to see them stuff under my skin.

Wow, I'm sorry this post has been so long! Anyway I want to close by asking people reading this to just keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Even thought the people here are really cool during the past few days I've been feeling overwhelmingly lonely. I miss everybody at home so much. I miss hanging out with people who really know who I am. I'm tired of feeling like an outsider. I never know where to sit at meals, and half the time I feel like just a tagalong wherever I go. I feel like I'm in fifth grade all over again. I mean I have my roomates and a couple of other friends who I can totally chill with, but when I don't know where they are I just don't know where else I can fit. And since most of those people aren't even going to China, who the heck will I hang out after the lecture phase end and I'm across the world? I just feel so sad and awkward being away from my people I know at home. My best friends who know everything about me. My parents that can give me hints on what the heck to do and my sister who I laugh with. My church who's totally used to my crazy randomness. My pets, oh my gosh I miss them!

THank you church, friends, family, and whoever else reads this. I'm sorry there's so much to read. I'm sure it's probably pretty boring getting through it all. I miss you.